Geek-Speak Translator

Cap'n Patt's Bio:
"Subject could possibly be described as tall, dark and handsome, but only if you are four foot eleven and certifiably blind. He is dark.

"It may suffice that, as of this writing, I am 78 years of age and have been in semi-retirement since 1989. The twenty three year period immediately prior to retirement was spent in the Caribbean, where at various times I was the manager of four business enterprises owned by the largest retailer in the Caribbean, a commercial diver engaged in underwater photography, construction, and demolitions, and a licensed captain of sailing vessels engaged in the crewed charter business.

"Prior to the onslaught of Insanity, Patt was a photo-journalist, industrial designer, product engineer, and a member of the faculty at the University of Wisconsin. Remaining in India for nine and one half months after the cessation of hostilities (WWII) and having little else to do, he built a small sailing craft and learned to sail on the waters of the Ganges and Hoogli rivers. Arriving in St. Thomas in 1965, Patt has been a reporter, diving Instructor, underwater photographer, restaurateur, and charter captain. The majority of his years in the Caribbean have been spent sailing boats from fourteen to seventy-five feet. Very competitive, he claims to have passed more boats than have ever passed him. His point of pride, 'I've never hurt a boat I've sailed.' Professes to being a chef, 'only because cooks have to clean their own galley and I don't, therefore - a chef'. Prepares good food, some plain some fancy. The compliments outnumber the complaints. Owns a beautiful guitar, but doesn't brag about it. After an evening libation he's been known to play and sing a few bawdy ballads and dirty ditties. But not very well. Like most true sailors he is entranced with knots, hitches, and bends. Claims to have invented the worlds' fastest bowline. It's possible, no-one has ever beaten him. Several have tried. And he really enjoys teaching marlinspike seamanship to others. He's an avid electronics buff (that should probably read "nut") and spends most of his spare time chatting with people all over the world, on one of his two short-wave stations, one on the boat, one based on shore, or sitting at the keyboard of a computer. He has two of those too, one on shore, one aboard. He holds an Advance class amateur radio license. His call sign is NP2BO.

Patts' Personal Pleasures? A good boat, good company, good food, someplace to go, and something to see."

Cap'n Patt's Winning Contest Submission:

From: Christi:
Hello Kind Sir,

I've been looking all over the web for....a..ahem..geek-speak translator. Like what they have in AV (babelfish.altavista.com). I swear someone's had to have made one!! My prob. is that, tho I'm a web designer (do all the html and javascript by hand and thing), I don't know all of the elite techie speak and I'm wanting to know what the heck my programmer boyfriend is talking about half the time. If one of you true geeks (as opposed to artsy-geek half breeds like myself) wrote a geek speak translator, I lie not, I would buy the dang thing! Scout's honor and all that.

With the male-dominated techie field, you probably have tons of techies trying to mate outside their
profession (and culture, it seems), so this may be a huge, lucrative untapped market! Consider this a
generous tip. *bows graciously*

Sincerely,
Christi

Well Christi,

It's like this, have you ever used one of the on-line translation programs to translate a page composed in a foreign language from that language into English?

I've had occasion to use Spanish, German, and French translators and though they do a pretty fair job I certainly would not want to sign a contract which had been translated by one of them. I would probably discover that I had sold my wife into the white slave trade in lower Patagonia and my dog to a factory that made horse food.

In short, no written translator can interpret the subtle nuances nor the multiple meanings of the same or similar word which can have multiple meanings. Like I'd sew you a skirt, or sow you some flowers, so, the results might only be so-so. So?

Now, wrap your thought processes around this- - - - Think of as many technical words, abbreviations, and acronyms as you possible can. Consider how many are out there now and how many more appear every day. Nobody, but N O B O D E E, could possibly keep up with them.

Then try to accumulate as many of those terms as you possibly can in a database. Index them, now cross index them and set up a "hotkey" (for lack of a better word, that's like saying I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here) and that hotkey would be capable, when struck, of recognizing the tech term, its context in the sentence, and its relevance to the rest of the article, then race through all the cross indexing and find the one applicable definition for that particular term.

The translator would need the ability to learn, differentiate, and then apply what it had learned. And, you're now entering the realm of artificial intelligence and fuzzy logic.

I doubt that one man could do it in his life time. He'd probably flip out long before he even approached success.

But, ya'know, if I was eighteen I'd probably take a crack at it. Stuff is happening so fast in this field that by the time I really got started an answer would probably be on the horizon, it might be a "far horizon" but someday, reachable.

This all began so late that I consider myself lucky to be the small part that I am. Being seventy eight doesn't really allow sufficient time to begin an endeavor of that magnitude.

But there's enough time to enjoy an icy martini and watch another sunset. Think I will.

Thank you for writing Christi,

Keep smiling and act like you know where you're going. Chances are you'll get there.


Cap'n Patt
Author <Geek Speak> http://personal-computer-tutor.com/capn3.htm
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Gerionics: "Computer Consultants to the Chronologically Advantaged."